Are you a urine drinker?

I had something of a revelation recently.  When reading or listening to political debates, I'm sometimes amazed by how neither side is the least bit interested in understanding the other.  And until now, it's been difficult for me to get into that mindset.  The mindset that my opponent's arguments are worthless by default, and I shouldn't even try to take them seriously.  I just didn't understand having such a unilateral prejudice.

But now, through a little semantic substitution, I think I finally got a handle on how to debate like a true political nut.  Want to know the secret?  Just substitute the other person's cause/grievance/argument with drinking urine, and carry on from there.

Let's try some examples.

Withdrawing From an Unjustified War in Iraq
We can't go on like this in Iraq!  We must convince President Bush to drink urine and order the troops to do the same!  All of the other developed countries drink urine - we are the only ones who have not signed the urine-drinking protocol!  Does this administration not care about drinking urine in unity with the rest of the civilized world?

Creationism in Public Schools
Listen, we're not saying that we're going to replace the science curriculum, we just want to represent both sides of the story for a more comprehensive education!  We just want to give children a fair chance to learn about urine drinking and how it complements science.  We want children to make an educated decision about whether to believe the Big Bang and Evolution (they are just theories you know!), or to drink urine.

Evolution in Public Schools
This is ludicrous - they have no right coming into a public school and disrupting a working, pragmatic urine drinking curriculum!  Urine drinking has been under close scrutiny by the urine drinker community, and though it does not provide all the answers to life, it at least helps children to make sound judgements based on urinary analysis and the diuretic method.

Gay Marriage
Who do those urine drinkers think they are, thinking they can get married just like everybody else!?  Now I don't care how much urine they drink in the privacy of their homes.  But once they start taking to the streets and drinking urine right in front of my kids, then they cross the line.  Besides, urine drinking is just voluntary, something they do for fun!  They can stop drinking urine and get married to normal people if they want to.  But no, they want to have their pee and drink it too.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you don't respect others, you shouldn't hope to achieve productive debate, and are doomed to splashing around in piss.